Turkey Crashes Out

Again not a reference to the Crewe by-election, but rather news that Dustin the Singing Turkey has crashed out of Eurovision (don't say we don't bring you the big news stories here!).

Dustin had rather controversially been picked as Ireland's entry for the contest, as his effort simply parodied Eurovision and mocked the silly songs that are performed - obviously Terry Wogan is the only Irishman allowed to do this. ;-)

Dustin crashed out in the semi-finals of the contest last night. How could they not pick him after this performance here? Incredible, I know.

One thing you do get on the Youtube version of the song though that the BBC version cuts off (no, not that bizarre dancing on the trailer at the start) is at the very end as the crowd boos him, the angry puppet seems to show his disgust by belching very loudly!

Then again he always had a bad boy image.

France to win, I'm telling you.
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Not Even BNP Want The BNP To Be On Committees!

It seems the Lib Dems got themselves into a bit of a pickle at our Annual Council meeting last night.

On the allocation of Council committees the officer reports made clear that the BNP member (who was recently elected to our authority) under the law should not be recognised as a political group and therefore did not have any entitlement to any membership on any Council committees.

Regulation 8 of the Committees and Political Group Regulations 1990 (SI 1990 1553) states that to qualify as a political group there has to be at least two members in that group - although Members can agree alternative proposals that need to be circulated before the meeting.

Now, let me make it abundantly clear I am not saying (or even trying to imply) that the Lib Dems in Three Rivers are pro-BNP in any way or support any of their disgusting views, but I am surprised that they want the BNP to have committee representation they are not entitled to.

But what is quite revealing during the vote last night, that not only did the Tories support our proposal to not recognise the BNP or give them committee membership (and vote against the Lib Dem proposal) - but even the BNP did not support the Lib Dem motion!

We are now in a situation where even the BNP do not want the BNP to have committee representation, but the Lib Dems do!

Whilst we are talking about the BNP, I noticed in the public gallery at last night's meeting a certain Ramon Johns. Now you may not have heard of Johns, but he is a former BNP councillor in Broxbourne who seems to have made quite interesting comments about me in the past. As he didn't talk to me, I can only presume that he still doesn't know who I am, and also that most of the BNP supporters who were there (about half a dozen) are not local at all.

Ahead of the meeting, there was some discussion about where the BNP should sit - I think the best suggestion I heard was for them to sit in the corridor (or better still on the Fire Escape, but given that it had to be inside the Council Chamber, we were not prepared to have them next to us. So instead they ended up squeezed to the right of the Tories on the extreme right of the Chamber.

Personally I find that quite apt!
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Labour Leader Steps Down - Exclusive

OK, it's not Gordon Brown, before you get excited!

Last night I stood down as Leader of the Labour Group on Three Rivers District Council. Although my own group (and many opposition councillors) wanted me to continue, I know that I have responsibilities to Linsay over the next 12 months that mean I cannot give the 24 hours a day 7 days a week commitment to being Leader that I have been giving in recent months.

However I will carry on being an active Councillor campaigning hard for the people of South Oxhey.

My statement from Annual Council last night is copied below:

"Firstly, I would like to thank the Chairman for allowing me to make this short statement. Tonight will be my last meeting as Leader of the Labour Group.

When I took on this job 12 months ago hoped, and expected, to be able to hand back to Cllr Nena Spellen at this meeting. Sadly, with her defeat at the recent elections, I am not able to do this.

I know that whoever is Leader of this Group must be able to devote 24 hours a day to this calling - especially with the dangers for the community in South Oxhey that have come to the surface in the last few weeks.

I also know that in the next few months I have a responsibility to not only be a good councillor, but also to be a good husband.

Therefore I am delighted that at the end of this meeting I will hand over responsibility of this Group, and our fightback for Labour in South Oxhey, to Cllr Ron Spellen - who will also represent us on the Executive Committee.

Please do not see this as a break for me - I have had quite enough of them in the last few weeks! I will continue to work hard for South Oxhey and deliver for local people - in fact I will be doing an advice surgery this Saturday - but the time is right to hand over.

May I thank Cllr Shaw and Cllr Sansom for their friendship and support over the last 12 months, and the Chief Executive and his officers for their hard work and assistance which I have appreciated greatly. Thank you."
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(Image Source: The Labour Party)

I Don't Want To Go To Chelsea

So with my injury, my stag weekend did not stretch as far as Stamford Bridge.

As Elvis Costello once said, I Don't Want To Go To Chelsea - but then Accidents Will Happen. ;-)

For those that are interested the UK PFC played at the Chelsea ground on Sunday in support of the Piggybankkids charity. Last year celebs such as David Baddiel and Angus Deayton turned out - and apparently this year there was an Eastenders team containing Max, Bradley and Darren. The Prime Minister also attended with his wife who heads up the charity.

As far as football celebs are concerned, Garth Crooks, Carlo Cudicini and regular UK PFC manager Lawrie McMenemy were there off the pitch. Robbie Earle, Warren Barton, Maniche off football focus and Simon Thomas (that used to do Blue Peter and now does Sky Sports) also turned out. Although some law firm called RSRB won the 16 team tournament.

Not quite the Soccer Sixes tournament taking place the same day but still impressive - oh yes, and the MPs failed to qualify from their group.

But the MPs were back again on Monday to support the CF Trust. You may remember last year that the celeb team spanked the MPs 8-2 with Darren Campbell named as Man of the Match. Well this year the MPs didn't fare much better losing 7-1 with Campbell again on target. (Rob Wilson MP grabbed the consolation past Big Nev.

Apparently the CF Trust side also contained a mix of celebs such as Angus Deayton, Steve Redgrave, Ben Shephard (GMTV), David Baddiel, Darren Campbell, Alastair Campbell, Gustavo Poyet, DJ Spoony, Dean Holdsworth, Warren Barton and Luther Blissett. No wonder the MPs lost!

Roll on next year - I may actually be fit by then!
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(Picture from last year's event.)

Boris Suggest Restrictions On Term Limits

So Boris Johnson wants to introduce a two-term limit for anyone serving as Mayor of London.

I've got a suggestion, in his case, why don't we just make it one?

Makes sense to me.
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(Photo Source: adamprocter2006, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Boris_Johnson.jpg)

I Beg Your Pardon?

As I said just the other day, it's not uncommon to miss-spell something and give your sentence completely different unintentional meaning with hilarious consequences.

Whereas, if you miss-speak the consequences are Hillary-ous.

It seems that I came up (so to speak) with a pearler when talking about the "protection" have to wear on my hand here:

"Oh well that's enough from my subconcious for now, but I do have to say wearing this sparkly rubber contraception does make me feel just a little too much like Michael Jackson."

Why quite I have to wear sparkly rubber contraception is not clear, or why I'd have to wear it on my hand of all places - but I should at this juncture (especially if Michael Jackson's lawyers are reading) state that I meant to say "contraption".

Honest.

(Oh dear, it's all gone a bit Cherie Blair, hasn't it?)
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Back From The Stag

Sorry for not posting before now, but I have been away on my stag weekend - I am sure you will all be pleased to know (well most of you) that I have survived.

We had planned to have a bit of a sporting weekend to celebrate, but with my injury that sort of curtailed most of the ideas we had.

Most of us were already going to the UK PFC visit to Guernsey late last week (more details and anecdotes from this trip in due course) - so we had decided to come back that morning from the Channel Islands and start the stag proper by playing indoor cricket in London on the Saturday lunchtime then play footy at Stamford Bridge Sunday and Monday.

[I should at this juncture that we flew back by plane, and not by RAF helicopter - in fact I am delighted to say that there were no choppers on display at all during the festivities! ;-)]

But we decided that even playing cricket or football one-handed would be far too great a risk so instead we ambled up to a pub to watch the (most boring) FA Cup Final (ever).

Then we headed to Rileys to indulge in some Killer Pool - which I managed to win hands down. Well one hand down, anyway. I have top say it made me feel slightly Tory to have to have someone carry a rest around for me or use their hand to make a bridge every time I came to the table - fortunately I can still manage to go to the loo on my own though. :-p

We then went onto a local curry house and dashed off to get the last train home. (Although I had my Suzuki, trains are safer. ;-))

Their were 7 of us left by the time we reached the curry house and I think the comment of the evening came when one of us described us as "The Magnificent 7" - only for one of my other friends to quickly respond with "No prizes for guessing which of us is Yul Brynner then!" whilst looking right at Dr Dave.

For information, this is Dr Dave and this is Yul Brynner. ;-)

You can tell by this point that the day was a fairly tame affair...but when you are the stag that is actually a very good thing! In fact I didn't drink too much, I didn't get tatooed, didn't get shaved/tar & feathered/handcuffed to anyone or anything or stripped naked. To my mind that is a good evening. (Although I think this is far more due to the repeated threats Linsay made to Dr Dave if things went wrong than anything else!)

It reminds me rather of an MP I know, who shall remain nameless, who felt obliged to go to a stag weekend for one of his oldest friends but as the weekend was held in Amsterdam couldn't go to half the activities scheduled for fear of his reputation being harmed. In fact the non drinking MP ended up going round museums and art galleries on his own rather than going to bars, coffee shops and districts where the light outside is off a rather rouge like colour!

So a fun stag weekend, but not too fun. (And no running naked down a racetrack trying to beat some horses on national TV.) Quite a relief really. :-)
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(Photo Source: SMcCandlish, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Kelly_pool_rack.jpg)

Mine's A Suzuki

You may be looking at the picture on the left and trying to work out what you are looking at.

Whilst it may initially appear to be a rather grubby angel or a Christmas decoration for the tree, it is actually my finger.

This is in fact what currently sits inside my squirrel chair - and before you ask, yes, those pieces of metal go straight through my finger and into the bone.

It's called a "Suzuki frame" - it helpfully (by the use of rubber bands) helps pull my dislocated bits of finger back into position.

I'm rather impressed with the technology of it and it even has doctors and nurses impressed with it, saying things like: "Ooh that's a really nice procedure" and "Ooh that's a lovely piece of work", it seems that this is my finger and hurts quite a bit is secondary to the whole situation.

It also allows me to impress people by saying "Hey, I've got a Suzuki - would you like to see it" - although they seem rather horrified when I then produced my mangled fingers instead of a gleaming motorbike.

You'd never catch me on a motorbike, not while I've got my Skoda.

"Would you like to see my Skoda", doesn't really have the same ring to it, does it? ;-)
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There's Only One David Taylor (Continued)

So it seems Labour/Co-op MP for NW Leicestershire, David Taylor, will stand down at the next General Election.

As I've said before, David is one of the good guys in politics - an approachable, hardworking and principled politician. I mean, how many politicians want to leave Parliament so that they can spend more time in local government?

It's that sort of dedication is probably one of the reasons he was voted Backbencher of the Year last year.

He is a legend, and for one will be really sad to see him go.
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Flipping Hull

Absolutely gutted that Watford have just crashed out of the Play Offs 4-1 on the night (6-1 on aggregate) against Hull.

Although the scoreline doesn't suggest it, Watford again played really well - and looked much the better side for much of the game, scoring the first goal on the night.

Over the two legs - so including the 2-0 defeat at Vicarage Road - Watford probably were the stronger side, but were destroyed by calamitous defensive errors. I have to say that Adrian Mariappa did not look like a professional footballer tonight, and Richard Lee's awful mistake just before half-time completely turned the match - following on from his below-par performance at the weekend he looks like a keeper who needs a long rest.

But the 4-1 win flattered Hull - in truth the game was over at 1-1 and it was Watford's need to create opportunities that opened them up at the back, and that created the meaningless rout at the end. No-one cared by that point, the game was dead.

It would be wrong to blame Watford over the two legs - we just weren't good enough. The reason we failed to get promoted lies right back in the distant past of 2007 - Adam Johnson returning to Middlesbrough. We hadn't been playing that well even at that point as we raced clear at the top of the division, but Johnson was on-fire, scoring goals and creating chance after chance for Henderson and Marlon King to tuck away.

And there, I'm afraid, lies the second reason for Watford's dismal collapse. The sale of Marlon King.

Whilst Boothroyd could do nothing about the return of Johnson to Middlesbrough, the selling of the talismanic King not only took away our main scoring threat but also the belief that Watford could put the ball in the net and escape the division. The run of games without victory, passion and goals was an embarressment and utterly avoidable.

I am afraid that Nathan Ellington has been a costly disaster this season, Darius Henderson for all his passion and belief cannot do things on his own (especially when most teams know how to deal with such a one-dimensional threat) and Tamas Priskin is like watching a 14-year old play in a men's team (just looked totally lost and out of his depth). Let's not even mention Steve Kebab. It wasn't just the fans who feared we were a bit rubbish, it seemed the players sensed it too and didn't ever look convinced we could do it as soon as Marlon left. That says it all.

So Hull go on, and (with Palace losing last night) it is either the Tigers or Bristol City to join West Brom and Stoke City in the Premiership! Who would have thought that?

Yes, you may be thinking that the Championship sounds like it has been rubbish this year...and you'd be right!
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(Guess we won't see any scenes like this Watford Play Off victory parade this season. Bum. :-/)

Beards Take Over Hollywood

After blogging about how beards are taking over Parliament (btw, I am happy to confirm Matthew Taylor does indeed have a full beard) and the Church of England, I am intrigued to read this piece about how the beard is taking Hollywood by storm.

Although seeing Al Pacino with a fuller beard is notable and Brad Pitt looking a bit like a dustman is funny, I do have to say I am particularly impressed with the Pierce Brosnan effort.

Perhaps we could get him to come down to Parliament in November and pretend to be Guy Fawkes.

(The gunpowder plotter, not the drink drive blogger.)
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(Photo Source: Peterlessbeer, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Alfredo_James_Pacino.jpg)

George Osborne - The Shallow Chancellor

So the Government makes a mistake, put its hands up, listens to the people and rectifies the situation. This pleases most people - aside from Tory MPs, who call it desperate to actually listen to public opinion (after all it is worth pointing out they haven't suggested any solution to the 10p Tax Rate problem, even though they are happy to score points saying the change was wrong - it is rather hollow if you don't plan to rectify the situation).

And so George Osborne, the Tories' Shadow Chancellor does the rounds on the media this morning jumping up and down that the Government have addressed the problem (and scuppered his hopes in the Crewe by election).

My favourite interview with him came this morning on the Radio 5 Breakfast programme with Nicky Campbell - listen again here, it is hysterical. The interview starts about 1 hour 44 mins in.

At 1 hour 47 mins and 50 secs George starts the giggles as he claims he went into politics to help the disadvantaged. Campbell gets increasingly frustrated with Osborne's claims that the Tories are the party of the poor - especially when they did things like oppose the minimum wage - and by the end of the interview it is all he can do to stop himself from saying "Yeah, right, ok, whatever mate".

Instead he says, at 1 hour 52 mins and 55 secs: "We have to leave it there, George Osborne - the shallow chancellor".

The SHALLOW chancellor? You said it, Nicky. You said it.
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(Photo Source: Saint sim, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:GeorgeOsborne.jpg)

Oh Wouldn't It Be Glovely?

So here is how the new protection on my hand looks (see pic left) - not so much a beer mitt, now it looks more like a small chair for a squirrel.

Or maybe not.

Actually, the more I stare at it, the more it reminds me of the map of Britain.

Oh well that's enough from my subconcious for now, but I do have to say wearing this sparkly rubber contraception does make me feel just a little too much like Michael Jackson.

And let's face it, even feeling a little bit like Michael Jackson is still too much!

(Ouuuuch! ...and to think I did injure it in a thriller. ;-))

But no matter how many sparkly gloves I wear, I will never be quite as convincing a Wacko Jacko impersonator as Dr. Dave. The man who's reputation as the turntable slave goes before him wherever he goes, made a big exit from the UK PFC awards dinner the other night. He spun on the spot, grabbed his crotch and moonwalked across the room, out of the door...and into a bunch of rather stunned lobbyists!

That's the spirit, Dave, you can't beat it. ;-)
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Australians Don't Give A XXXX

Had my plaster off this morning at the hospital - I had become rather attached to that plaster cast (although not as attached as all the metal that remains embedded in my finger), and it fitted snugly around my hand.

In fact the palm of the cast had become moulded in such a way that it resembled a beer mitt - like they had in Men Behaving Badly, where you could slide a beer can/tankard into place and then swig it straight to your mouth with minimum effort/thought.

I should at this juncture point out that I did not use my plaster cast as a beer mitt for a number of reasons:

1) I'm not allowed to carry anything in - or put anything in/on - my injured hand.
2) I am not allowed to consume alcohol, as it would play merry hell with my painkillers.
3) I'm not a big fan of beer.

That aside, it's a great idea though. :-/

However we should never forget beer is just too important to some men. For example, what about this person doing his best to reinforce the stereotypical (anti) Australian beer advertising campaigns from the 80s/90s. Just scary.
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(Photo Source: Tomasz Sienicki, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Tscaz_olkrus_ubt.jpeg)

I Don't Mean To Worry Anyone, But...

I don't mean to worry anyone, but the other day I had cause to stand up on one of the desks in our office in Portcullis House and look down at the lights that hang down above the windows in all the offices here.

And this (see pic above) is what I found lying next to the lights, a mass of frayed wires that have been cut through at the bottom.

I presume this has been left behind after some routine maintenance job, but it was a bit of a worrying sight when I first discovered it.

I do hope it's not another sign of Portcullis House falling apart!
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We Support Our Local Team

I had an intersting conversation yesterday with someone who couldn't understand why I supported Watford Football Club.

Now to many people, especially those who have actually had the misfortune to watch Watford play over the years, that may seem a fair and pertinent question. But to most genuine football fans it is just something that is written in the stars and flowing in your blood - you support your local team. You just do.

The conversation was spurred by my friend revealing their partner was out celebrating the success of "their" team, Manchester United. Except the fan in question comes from the West Country and has never even seen Manchester United play in the flesh. This is the sort of non news that sends me into appalled apoplexy.

"But what's wrong with that, at least his team wins!", said my friend totally missing the point. You see, in my opinion, it's important to lose. Anyone can buy into success, but to watch a team that struggles week-in week-out, year-in year-out, takes real commitment. And when your team actually wins something important like a cup, or a league, or a game, it's a sense of real achievement.

"So I should support my local team?", yes. "What if I move?", well that makes it a bit more complex. You see there is another unwritten law that you cannot under any circumstance change the team you support, it's just wrong. However some people, myself included, believe it is OK in extreme circumstances to have a second team - although this too is frowned upon in some quarters.

For example my dad was born and bred a Wigan Athletic fan. He supported them when they were in the Lancashire Combination League. His dad was secretary of the supporters association and even had about £2.50 worth of shares which were passed onto my dad when he died. However when my dad moved down to Watford in the 1960s, unable to get back and see his beloved Wigan, he wanted to see some football and went to support his local town team Watford. He would still be a Wigan fan, but he would go and cheer on Watford - he has now been going to Watford games longer than he has been going to Wigan games, and has a season ticket, but I am sure inside he would describe himself as a Latics fan.

For Linsay, her home team (i.e the one she really supports with her heart and soul) is Motherwell, but I guess her local team is now Man City whilst she goes through uni. And there is something important about supporting a grassroots club - it would be easy to support United but for some reason that is all a bit too surreal and corporate to be a genuine option. (Although I must say getting thumped 8-1 is a bit surreal too!)

For me those instances of having a second team are acceptable, it is not glory-hunting or just to be in fashion, it's the desire to actually watch some local football...and preferably not to an unbearably high quality! ;-)

But back to Watford, if we must (and we must). Their 0-2 Play Off defeat against Hull at the weekend was disappointing, but I have to say that that is the best I have seen the team play for a long time (probably since November).

The referee was appalling and the Hull keeper was amazing - but we had most of the game, just to be undermined by a couple of defensive howlers. Yes, that is probably the tie - and Watford's promotion hopes - over and done with but they are still my local team. And I love them.

That is what being a real fan is all about, and I wouldn't swap it for the world.
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